Why Am I Depressed All The Time? Understanding Your Depression & Getting Over it

My dear reader, I’m sorry you feel the way you do. Being depressed and not understanding why is one of the greatest hardships in life. I believe we all go through depression at some point in our life. Some are fortunate enough to overcome it, whilst others are not. Despite having gone through depression myself, I will not pretend to know what it is you’re dealing with as there are different degrees of depression that exist. Instead, I will try to help you by telling you my story and the steps I took to get to where I am today.

The Beginning of The End

Remember that time word was going around that, according to the Mayan calendar, the world will end in 2012? Some people really believed it to be true. And to hype things up, they even made a movie about it. Obviously it didn’t turn out to be true. However, 2012 was the end of my world. 2012 was the year I lost everything, hit rock bottom, and had to start “living” all over again.

To make a long story short, I was a university student, I met the wrong people, and I got mixed up in some shady shit. Not because I wanted to, but because I was so naive, so good-hearted, that I didn’t think bad people really do exist. When I realized what I got myself into, it was too late to undo the deed and I was being blackmailed into living a life I had no control of.

Imagine being curled up in a ball every night at 4-5 am in the corner of a room, because I was no longer staying in my room, crying yourself to sleep, knowing that tomorrow’s another day you have to survive and do things you don’t want to do. Slowly but surely, I retreated from all social activities with my friends, stopped going to class, didn’t even go back to my dorm room (I was staying at a friend’s place who had an idea of what was going on), and started consuming alcohol at a very high rate. My health was declining, my physical appearance too. I disappeared from the public’s eye, and no one knew why. My grades were disgusting, I was failing every class, and that lead to many arguments with my parents. What made it worse is that I could not tell them what I was going though because of how ashamed I was feeling.

Things kept getting worse. Whenever I could I’d just sleep and try to avoid being awake. But even sleep became my enemy. I started experiencing nightmares that would lead to sleep paralysis, some messed up Elm Street spin off dreams. I was afraid of closing my eyes and prayed that I’d just drift off into nothingness. Suicide was on my mind but I kept thinking how that’d affect my family, my mother in particular. I just couldn’t do that to her.

It was a very dark period of my life where the light inside me was being extinguished and set out. I couldn’t believe that this was my reality, and I was constantly wondering when will I wake up from this never ending nightmare?

The Aftermath of The End

Fast forward 8 months later, my parents found out what was going on and pulled me out of my “situation”. But the damage was already done. The people I loved most, the people I grew up and shared many precious memories with, were no longer part of my life. Despite having an idea of what was going on with me, these people wanted nothing to do with me. My girlfriend whom I loved and held very dearly to my heart broke up with me, I had to dropout from my dream university, relinquish all independence privileges (I was clearly not ready to be independent), and move from the city back to my hometown.

It took me a while to understand, but I don’t blame anyone for what happened. I’d like to think my friends wanted to help me, but just didn’t know how. We were still kids after all. As for my girlfriend at the time, who would want to be with a broken man? I provided her with no sense of security, no happiness, only negative energy, and was absent most of the time. Whenever we would get together, I’d break down and lose control of my emotions in front of her. It was pathetic.

To explain where my mind was at after I moved from the city, I was constantly sad, lazy, sleepy, and I wanted to be left alone. No matter how many times my mother spoke to me about getting back on my feet, no matter how hard she tried to show me the light, that it’s time to recover etc. I could not bring myself to think of anything other than me being a failure. I was also constantly haunted by my experience, the things I’d seen and done, and the overall roller coaster of emotions I’ve been through. I felt paralyzed. Stuck, like I’m surrounded by brick walls so tightly built around me I could barely fit standing up. It was very draining.

I tried to see a therapist, but it didn’t help. This is not to say seeking therapy is a bad idea, or that it doesn’t work. I just happened to have a bad therapist. It’s either that or I was just not as open to the experience as I should have been. Or maybe I didn’t commit to seeing my therapist (I only went for three sessions, but they each lasted 10 minutes before I was dismissed). In any case, seeking help from a stranger didn’t help me.

Something else did.

Moving Past The End and onto New Beginnings

I can’t remember when exactly, all I know is I suffered from depression for a good 2 years. However, everything changed in one night.

It was around 2-3 AM, and I just had another sleep paralysis episode. Shaking and sweating, I called my mother to have someone to talk to. She tried her best to calm me down, but by the end of the all I was still in a very bad place in my head.

Here’s where things changed: literally five minutes after I hung up, my cousin calls. Now at first, I thought my mom asked him to check up on me. Turns out it was just a random call to check up on me. Keep in mind both my mother and my cousin were not living in the same country as me and were calling international.

We spoke for a bit and I told him how I was feeling. My cousin is a very good listener. Very calm and composed character, very charismatic, and always seems to know what the right words to say are. He asked me “why are you feeling the way you do?” I listed all the reasons mentioned above. Next, he said: “OK, what are you going to do about it?

That’s where things changed for me. You see, up until that point, it never really occurred to me that I can do anything to change my current situation. Up until that point, I had given up control of the steering wheel. I had no goal, no aim, no ambition. I was so focused on what happened to me, on what I’d been through, that it consumed all my energy. I never stopped to think “OK, time to recover and move on, let’s get back on our feet”.

After living in darkness for so long, I finally had a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel.

Writing My New Story

It was tough. Very tough. It’s like learning how to walk all over again. Or at least that’s how I picture it to be. My first focus was to get myself cleaned up and organized. When your life is a mess, and everything around you is a mess, then you’ll be a mess. It was time to take out the trash, and have a somewhat clear vision of your surroundings.

My goal was to think more positive, to read and educate myself, and to exercise/eat healthy. Exercising and eating healthy wasn’t too hard for me, I was always an athletic person (see benefits of exercising and eating healthy here). The toughest part was to be more positive and change the way my mind operates. I used to spend hours looking at motivational quotes, googling positive affirmations, writing them down so they’d really stick in my head. The books I was reading at the time were all about habits, communication, and creating a vision of my future self, what kind of person I wanted to be, who I wanted to be. I had to teach myself how to talk to people again, how to go out and live in the moment rather than drift off into my past.

it was a very difficult road, full of ups and downs, and I’ll explain to you why: just because you’re trying to do something to turn your life around does not mean everyone is going to help you. Most people don’t even know you’re depressed. They probably don’t even care. So what may be an accomplishment for you, is most probably something normal for an outsider. So don’t expect a pat on the back from anyone, but do give yourself a pat on the back. People don’t know how far along you’ve come, only you and a select few do. Do not let these ignorant bystanders bring you down. Let them fuel you. Tell yourself “I’ll show you what I’m capable of”. Don’t let them count you out. Work hard, show them who’s boss.

Keep in mind some days you might not be feeling it. That’s OK. Don’t let those days spoil your progress. Even if you take a fall or two, get back on that saddle and try again. Remember, it takes time, it’s a process, you have to suffer before you can relax.

I’m blessed to have good friends and family, people who love and care about me. My cousin kept checking up on me and holding me accountable to my progress. Having people to encourage you along the way would definitely make it easier to overcome your depression. Choose your friends carefully, cut out as much toxicity in your life as possible, and get to grinding.

Reading Recommendations

I still remember the first couple of books that I read and helped me get to where I am today. Give them a go if you don’t know where to start.

How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie

How to Win Friends and Influence People is a self-help book written by Dale Carnegie, published in 1936. This book really helped me think differently when interacting with people. This is the archetype of the practical human relations handbook. Carnegie opens with fundamental techniques for dealing with people, such as refraining from criticism and expressing sincere appreciation. Making people like you by smiling, remembering names, and being a good listener are encouraged.

The 7 habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey

When Stephen Covey first released The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, the book became an instant rage because people suddenly got up and took notice that their lives were headed off in the wrong direction; and more than that, they realized that there were so many simple things they could do in order to navigate their life correctly. This book was wonderful education for people, education in how to live life effectively and get closer to the ideal of being a ‘success’ in life.

I hope I was helpful enough to give you the hope and motivation you need to get back on your feet. Your life is precious. YOU are precious. Always remember, Life can be beautiful if you choose to make it so. You just gotta learn how to bang your chest hard enough.

Reach out if you have no one to talk to, I’d be more than happy to listen and try to help.

How Can I Set My Goals? Get what you want in life

You’re here because you want to get something done. We all do. Whether we realize it or not, we are setting goals every day. It doesn’t matter if it’s something as simple as watching a movie or becoming an astronaut, both are goals. To be more specific, both are end goals.

But how do we reach them?

Before getting into goal setting, it’s important to understand why it’s important to set goals for yourself.


The Importance of Goal Setting

Setting your goals gives you a clear focus on the end result(s) you’re seeking. It helps you keep your eyes on the prize, move forward at a steady pace with clear direction, and it helps you track your progress.

Without goal setting, there is no plan. Without a plan, you do not know in which direction you’re headed. And if you don’t know where you’re headed, not only will you struggle to keep motivated and actually fulfill your end goal, but you will also most probably prolong the journey unnecessarily. To paint you a picture of what goal setting does, take a look at the below image. Point A is your starting point, and Point B is your goal. Ideally, the road from point A to B is a straight line. You set your target, you come up with a plan, you execute your plan and next thing you know you’re at point B.

But in truth, the path from point A to point B looks more like this:T

This is due to the fact that life tends to throw you curve balls. Sometimes not everything goes as planned, and you’ll have to make some adjustments to your initial plan. The end goal hasn’t changed, only the path leading to it. Set backs are part of the process of growing and learning. Embrace them. Then crush them.


Before getting started on your march towards your goals, you need to know what you’re up against. Get an idea of what the journey ahead looks like, research people who’ve already done what you’re trying to accomplish, read about them, learn about what it took to get there and how these people managed to do it. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel, but you can create a better quality wheel with the information left behind from your predecessors.

Watch YouTube videos, read articles and books, listen to audiobooks related to what you’re trying to accomplish. We live in an age where information is readily available and easily accessible. All you have to do is reach out and grab it.

One book that’s been particularly helpful to me is Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. I highly recommend you give it a read.

Divide And Conquer

No problem appears too big when broken down to smaller, simpler sets of problems. The same goes for goal setting.

No matter what your end goal is, there are prerequisites to being able to accomplish it. What you need to do is figure out what these prerequisites are, and find out how to complete them. And if these prerequisites seem difficult as well, break them down into a newer, simpler set of prerequisites.

Keep repeating that process until you can no longer simplify your tasks.

Take Action

The map is drawn, it looks good, you’ve got it hanging on the wall where you can see it, and it’s pretty to look at. Now you have a choice to keep it as a decorative item, or to actually follow the path you drew yourself. I sincerely hope you choose the latter.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” – Lao Tzu.

That’s right, it’s time to take action. It doesn’t matter if your map isn’t perfect, just get started. You’ll figure things out as you go. Remember what we talked about earlier, setbacks are part of the process. Believe in yourself and you will overcome them. Start by taking that first step.

Don’t Give up

No matter how difficult your goal seems, don’t give up. You’re a badass. You get what you want in life. When things get tough I want you to get tougher. When things look bad I want you to fight harder. When you reach a dead end wall I want you to walk through that wall, no need to find the door. You’re a beast, nothing will stand in your way.

Bang your chest, make yourself heard you majestic creature you.

How To Be Perfect – 6 Steps To Become All That You Could Be

Bad news friend: being perfect is impossible. You will always have flaws no matter what you do. You can however be close to perfection. Which leads me to the good news: you’ve already cleared step 1 of your journey towards perfection.

Step 1 – Know You’re Not Perfect

That’s right, the first step in the journey to perfection is to know and to admit you are not perfect. Seeing that you are here means you are not in denial. You know you could be a better version of yourself.

So give yourself a pat on the back as you’ve already completed step 1.

Step 2 – Identify Your Flaws and Weaknesses

Next, you’re going to pull out a piece of paper, and write 5 to 10 things about yourself that you’d like to improve. Over time, as you undergo internal or external changes, you will add new points to develop.

Be honest when writing your list, there’s absolutely no benefit in cheating. I even suggest you ask for help to identify your flaws and weaknesses from someone who knows you well, someone who might see things you don’t notice about your character.

Step 3 – Choose Your Target

Now that you know what to work on, it is time to choose one item off your list to improve.

The reason behind working on one target at a time is to keep yourself from getting overwhelmed. If you try to tackle everything at once, your focus and energy will be divided. You will have so much on your plate, and feel like there’s so much to do that you’ll struggle to keep up with Step 4.

Step 4 – Set Your Goals

Great! You now know what you want to work on. Here’s where you divide and conquer. Break down your goal and reduce it into smaller, easier, and more achievable objectives that will over time help you reach your final destination. What are the set of actions you have to do that’ll help get there?

Goal setting is an entire topic on it is own. Check out this guide on how to set your goals effectively for more help.

Step 5 – Take Action

You’re fired up, you’re excited, you know how you’re going to do it, you’ve got your plan ready and detailed to the tiniest spec of dust, and there’s no way you’re going to fail. Am I right?

I could be right. And you could be (and most probably are) wrong about at least one thing. You see, you’ll never know whether you’re going to fail unless you TAKE ACTION.
If you sit there fantasizing about how you’re going to improve without making a move, then don’t expect much change to occur. And while we’re talking about planning, I have to tell you that no plan is ever perfect. You don’t get to where you want without facing some trouble along the way.

So don’t procrastinate by convincing yourself you have to work out every detail of your plan. You just need a starting point. Once you get started, you’ll tweak things as you go. The closer you get to your final destination, the more you’ll realize there are things you haven’t accounted for, the more you’ll have to adapt and overcome your new set of obstacles by going through Step 4 again.

It’s a painful process, I know. No one said it was going to be easy, but I promise you at some point you’re going to stop for a minute, think back at all the things you’ve been through, all the sacrifices you’ve done, all the blood sweat and tears, and you’re going to be proud of the distance you’ve covered.

Step 6 – Rinse & Repeat

This step pretty much speaks for itself. Once you’ve reached your target, it is time to move on to the next.

The good news is, now you know the way. And the more you travel down this road, the more you have it memorized, the quicker you can anticipate it is ups and downs, and the better you will become at maneuvering them.

You got this

Growing, getting better, moving forward… it is all a process. The most important thing is for you to always keep your eye on the ball. Remember, the plan may vary, but the goal does not change. Burn down the bridges of retreat. Make it so that you have no option but to keep moving forward. For that to happen, you have to be all in.

If you want a fire to be lit under your a**, I highly recommend you read Be Obsessed Or Be Average by Grant Cardone. It’d be even better if you download the audiobook as it is read by Grant Cardone himself. The man really knows how to pump you up.

I remember one night after a long day at work, I came home exhausted and ready to call it a night. But instead I put my earphones on and played his audiobook. What I was listening to had me burning on the inside, imagining myself conquering the world, becoming one of the most powerful and influential men, living life at it is fullest, being the best me possible. From that moment on I’ve taken massive action towards becoming the man I am today… not that I’m done evolving…

In any case, check out his YouTube videos before making that purchase, it’ll give you a better idea of who he is.

And remember, you got this.

Bang your chest, make yourself heard.

About The Gorilla Lifestyle

Hello and welcome to The Gorilla Lifestyle you majestic beast you!


Allow me to introduce myself; my name is Yahya, and I’m all about personal growth.

First and foremost, I am an athlete. I’ve participated in all kinds of sports; from basketball and swimming, rugby and boxing, to currently powerlifting, putting in the time and effort at the gym is a huge part of me. It’s taught me to be disciplined and relentless. It’s also taught me failure is part of the process of getting better, that injuries and setbacks are simply obstacles to be overcome and to learn from. Sounds a lot like life don’t it?

But besides being a beast in the iron jungle, I chose to be a beast in all aspects of life.

I want to be a beacon of safety and security to the people I love. I want to be a role model, a source of inspiration to those who need to be inspired. And I want to successfully enjoy life’s many beautiful offerings.


I strive for perfection, and I encourage everyone brave enough to do the same because despite it being impossible to be perfect, chasing perfection will definitely push you to be a better YOU.

A lot of people struggle through life. Some even drift through it all. I was once one of those people, until a very special someone helped me get back on my feet. It was a long process, but I came out stronger than ever.

The Gorilla Lifestyle is about paying it forward.

I look forward to overcoming life’s many obstacles together, and will do my best to share what knowledge I possess to help this community grow better and stronger.

Just imagine a world where everyone is working to unlock their true potential. What would be the outcome?

A world 10X better at the very least.


The goal of The Gorilla Lifestyle is to help you improve your life both physically and mentally, and to be King of your Jungle.

If you ever need a hand or have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to help you out.

All the best,